You'll Be in my Heart
by demonic blood shed666
Summary: side story to Ten Tailed Jaguar ch. 13 where Gaara tries to take the place of a child to gain love and affection


"Come stop your crying, it will be alright,"

Stars glittered like little golden lights against the pitch black sky. The endless ocean of darkness and lights were cloudless, allowing nothing to block their view of the village below. The moon was bright and full, the circle glowing and almost pulsating with a nullifying whiteness. So far and yet so close that giant orb was, closer to the world than average but still so far away it looked no bigger than the sun. Strange enough there were clouds around that glowing orb, a thin layer of fluffy vapor in the shape of a ring. The clouds formed a perfect circle around the moon, becoming almost like a prison for its glorious light, leaving only the stars to permit their light upon the veiled blanket of darkness. So strange a sight it was, and yet so beautiful.

"Just take my hand, hold it tight,"

The wind was still, no fluttering breeze no harsh, cold blast. Just a peaceful stillness for a supposed peaceful night. The round buildings were shadowed in all the right places thanks to the extra terrestrial lights. The sea of sand was still, only caving in under the slight pressure of a foot or some other force.

Fingers tapped on one of the roof tops that was jointed to another, taller building in both aggravation and restlessness as green eyes moved to the ground some twenty feet below. A pair was walking down the deserted streets of Sunakagure, their hands clasped between them, sweet and cutesy smiles on their faces. The eyes flashed brightly in irritation as a lip curled up to display a pointed fang. Bastard couple disturbing his concentration, he was trying to observe here damn it. A small, shy and flirtatious giggle sounded from the girl's lips as her eyes shyly met up to the boy's confidant and endearing ones. Stupid villagers performing their pathetic courting rituals.

Growling silently the once unyielding and still sand shivered and fluttered behind the pair that had suddenly stopped in their tracks, even from his higher vantage point he could see the frozen frames laced with goose bumps. The sediment quivered and rose, a few grains fell from the pile up only to fall back into the drawback that was forming, it looked like the tsunami's that people around here rarely ever get to see thanks to the lack of water. The couple turned cautiously, their flirty looks gone to be replaced with apprehension. Tremors violently tore through both forms as the sand grouped together, larger segments separating and solidifying into five digits.

"I will protect you from all around you,"

A satisfied smirk formed and the green eyes turned back to his observation as the two let out shrieks of terror and high tailed it in the opposite direction, the sand dripping and crumbling back to the floor with a hiss. He could always scare people away, all he had to do was manipulate the sand or let himself appear in their view and they ran away screaming.

The moon's light made his hair look like solid, freshly spilled blood, his skin glowing an unearthly pale tone in her fabulous eye. His love scar on his forehead glittered like rubies in the bright light. His scarf covered his chin and small throat, his white cloak making his already tiny frame even more miniscule. His tan pants were baggy and covered his feet, and no longer did he carry around his bear. Yashamaru's little gift was torn, shredded and ripped, the fuzzy head found itself pinned to the sanded wall of his room with a kunai while the decapitated and disemboweled body lay on his dear uncle's last resting place.

"I will be here, don't you cry,"

The woman's soft voice was both comforting and painful, just like the light brown grains of sand that gravitated around him at all times. Green, cat shaped eyes rimmed by a solid, thick line of pitch black narrowed as he watched the scene through the window he was a few feet away from. He was close enough to see inside the room and yet far enough away to not be noticed by either member. The woman had shoulder length brown hair and darkly tanned skin. Her eyes were a luminescent blue and her coral covered lips were lifted in a soft and loving smile as she gazed at the infant in her arms.

A small child that he guessed could only be about one years old rested in the comforting nook of her arm, his mouth open in a toothless gape. The baby's hair was short, curly and just as dark a brown as his mother's, eyes just as blue, and his skin was just a shade lighter. He was a tiny, chubby body that was cushioned, protected and loved in her arms.

His heart ached and he clutched at the obtrusive cloth that covered the organ as he gazed longingly at the loving pair. Oh how he wanted to be held, loved like that infant was. The sand stirred faster, fragments and fingers brushing lightly against him in a comforting caress. His hands clenched as he released his cloak and glared at the baby in the room, envy coursing through him, as hot and powerful as lava as he noticed just how ungrateful the child was of his mother's love and care. Why? If it was him in that brat's place he would drink it in, savor it like a sweet wine, love the affection lathered on him and love her endlessly in return for it. So, why was an ungrateful brat six years his junior getting the attention he so longed for?

His own mother didn't care at all about him. Not like this mother cared for her baby. No, all his mother wanted of him was to kill, to murder the ones who put her through the hell of being impregnated with a monster such as him! And she expected to give him nothing in return for the blood he shed in her name! She hated him! Just like what Yashamaru said! He wanted the love! He wanted to be the one nestled, protected and drowning in a mother's love, to be released of this dark hell that he lived in all his life.

"For one so small, you seem so strong,

"My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm.

"This bond between us, can't be broken, I will be here don't you cry.

"You'll be in my heart, no matter what they say…"

Snarling Gaara turned away from the heart wrenching scene, the sand violently following his movements, thrashing wildly and flying off the side of the building, lifting slightly into the air. No one cared for him, not like this and no one ever will! 'Gaara, a demon that loves only itself, lives only for itself and fights only for itself.' Yes, he will never be loved, never be cared for, never shown the affection that others received. Children younger than him even ran away from him, when all they did was listen to what their family and friends said about him…he will never have a relationship like that in the song…where he will be in someone's heart and they would love him unconditionally, ignoring the words spread about him. It would never happen.

"You'll be in my heart, always,"

Unless, he slowly turned back to the window, watching as the woman who was still smiling gently placed the child in the crib and brought the blanket up to his chin, kissing him softly on the forehead. She left the room slowly after ruffling his hair a bit and the child closed his eyes, no doubt the mother was planning on falling asleep herself. Perhaps he could be loved like this little brat.

He just needed to be someone other than Gaara. Then, then he'll get the love he deserves.

He shifted impatiently, crawling towards the window and waiting for a few moments, allowing the woman some time to get to her room and get ready for bed. His eyes shone and a somewhat crazed smile grew on his face as he finally slid the window open with ease, the glass opening silently.

The crib was directly across from the window he was now crouching in, the rest of the room bathed in a soft blue light coming from the plug in the corner of the room, a night light for the baby probably. He knew the purpose of them even if he himself never used it, to keep the monsters away. But why bother using a light to keep yourself away? And apparently night light's don't work for he was creeping into the room, silent as a shadow and people have called him monster so frequently he actually thought that was his name one time.

There was a wooden rocking chair next to the crib the chair looked strong and sturdy though it was most likely an antique. A dresser was against the right side of the room from the mirror, the door right beside it. Posters of cute little animals and framed photos of family lined the walls and the ground was latterly covered in toys, not one section visible to the eye.

Gaara walked to the other side of the room towards the crib, looking inside the contraption with leering eyes at the mumbling baby. The infant was squirming, making wordless noises that meant nothing as his large eyes opened and blinked when they saw not his mother, but a stranger.

As if sensing he was in danger the child opened his mouth and crunched up his eyes to let out a loud wail of distress before being silenced by the sand that was slithering its way into the room from the open window and onto the rickety bed. Tears were streaming down the chubby cheeks as he tried to make a noise of fright and protest against the sand covering his mouth but all failed.

Tilting his head Gaara than had the sand creep into the crib further and lift the child, levitating the already terrified baby into the air and out the window. The sediment softly placed the infant onto the sandy roof outside and covered the child in a makeshift blanket to keep him warm before the sand still in the room closed the window with a click.

Closing his eyes and placing his hands in the proper formation he concentrated his chakra and thought of what the baby looked like. "Transform." His body disappeared into a cloud of smoke only to reappear as the child that he had just placed outside the window.

Everything was so much bigger… the walls and ceilings seemed to reach on for miles over his head as he tilted his head back from his sitting position on the floor. Looking down at his hands he saw small stubby fingers flexing with his own and he smiled.

Transformation jutsu success.

Smiling happily his head snapped towards the door as footsteps could be heard from the other side of it. Overly joyed he ordered his sand to lift him up into the crib and he got under the covers, forcing himself to cry loudly and thrash his hands over his face.

The door opened and followed with a, "Sweetheart it's okay mommy's here." Joy filled his heart. Finally. He was finally going to receive the affection he so dearly longed for…

The woman seemed to have stopped for all sound had ceased and still he forced himself to cry, not even having to fully force it now that the worry had started to replace the joy. Why hasn't the lullaby been sung? Why hasn't she come to wrap him in her arms? What was going on?

She finally spoke but it was not in the loving voice he had wanted to hear so badly.

"You. Where's my baby? What have you done with my baby?!"

The tears stopped flowing at the angry, demanding and desperately frightened voice and Gaara rolled onto his side, still trying to fake the part of a saddened infant. The sight before him was not what he wanted to see, and his happiness fled as soon as it came to be filled with fear of his own.

His sand. His sand had responded to his emotions, creating shifting happy clouds in the air that danced before freezing and tensing along with his feelings. The woman was staring with hatred at him, at the floating sand that seemed to have a mind of its own and once again he found himself despising the sediment.

He still couldn't control it…still couldn't stop it from showing his feelings…

"WHERE IS MY BABY?! MONSTER YOU BETTER NOT HAVE HURT HIM!"

Blue eyes bled to green and almost immediately the transformation broke and Gaara jumped out of the crib before it had time to break under his larger weight. Monster…monster…monster, monster, monstermonstermonstermonstermonster….

Pain lashed through his already broken heart and real tears started to flow from his eyes. Why? All he wanted was love? What did he do? Why? Why? Why?

The sand shifted and curved around him, rolling and thrashing angrily and madly as it expressed the roaring emotions within his hurting chest. His eyes went wide and his pupil-less eyes shrunk to pinpoints as red veins showed through the white, why couldn't he? Why couldn't he have love?!

The woman looked as if she were about to panic, her chest was rising and falling rapidly and she looked like a cornered animal. She seemed stuck in the choice of interrogating him about her son and also running away but the ever growing cries from outside the window answered her question for her.

She bolted for the glass and gasped as she saw her child thrashing against his bonds in the sand, screaming out his little lungs for all to hear for no longer was there any sand tape over his mouth. She grabbed the child and ducked back inside, backing up to the door with her eyes on the red head who was clutching at his pounding head.

The baby was still screaming and Gaara could faintly hear the pounding footsteps of someone running up a flight of stairs. The father… With tears still streaming down his face and eyes still maniacally wide he glared at the woman and child, a snarl finding its way on his lips as he lifted his hand towards the two.

"Sabaku kyuu!" the words were rasped as they flew out of his mouth and the sand reacted at once, streaking towards the hollering pair on the other side of the room. His eyes narrowed and his tense hand tensed further causing mother and child to gasp out weakly and pitifully as the sediment constricted around them, making their blood vessels pop and muscles tear.

"Kenzo! Saiyo!" A man's voice came from the hallway outside of the open door and Gaara knew that he didn't have much time until the father and husband came into the picture. Growling he glared with loathing at the mother and child, constantly asking himself why couldn't it be him who received the love of a mother.

"Sabaku sousou!" The deadly phrase was worded at the same time the fist clenched and there was a pain filled scream as the sand convulsed, crushing the two bodies in its grasp. Blood splattered the walls, floor, toys, ceiling and the horrified face of the man turned hermit. But Gaara had already fled the room and was running across the roof tops, his heart and head pounding as the moon pulsed and smiled at him from her great height.

The anguish was overwhelming and Gaara found himself running and running until the barrier walls of the village were in sight. If he could make it maybe he'd be free, maybe he'd be free of this place of the pain and glares and discrimination.

He knew the husband and father would come after him, no doubt the vengeance of his late wife and son burning deep rivulets in his mind. He knew that the villagers had heard the screams but he also knew that they wouldn't do anything about it, they themselves not wanting to get caught in the deadly cross fire of the uncontrollable monster. They would all just wait and depend on his father's orders, the Kazekage's ordered assassination attempts against him to see if he'll die.

Like the cowards they all were.

The stars had lost their glimmer and shine and yet the moon seemed to have gained pleasure and giddiness in the past happenings and the child didn't question it. Not when he was so close to the city gates, not with the protective and angry sand lashing about around him like a miniature cyclone, not with the angry ninja hot on his tails and gaining momentum on the village's ultimate defense.

Gaara came to a blurred stop when an enraged figure jumped right in front of him. It was the father. His hair too, was a dark brown, his skin the lightest of the family members and his eyes a light shade of black surprisingly, almost grey. Between each finger was a kunai, the deadly tipped weapons poised for the kill as he crossed his arms over his chest…in the same position Yashamaru did just a year ago.

Not even having the energy to be angry at the ninja Gaara stared in shock as tears still poured down his cheeks, his ai throbbing. Throwing out his arms the weapons zeroed in on the seven year old and the sand automatically rose to his defense, creating a large solid shield around him, a physical barrier between him and the lethal tips.

He didn't even have to move as the sand threw the blades to the ground and made their way towards the assailant, who didn't even try to evade the attack. The grains sharpened into thick spines and plunged through the man's flesh, piercing all the way through to the other side. He obviously just wanted to go with his family.

Shaking Gaara once again continued his run, passing by the falling corpse without a glance and going through the canyon walls of the village barrier he made it to the outside desert. There was nothing but sand here, sand and rocks and the occasional desert flower but the important thing was that it was empty of people. Empty of hatred, empty of threats, empty of everything but himself and the sand that always protected him.

After running a good mile from the village walls the child threw himself to the ground, his body gasping for breath as he fought to regain the lost oxygen. Throwing his face into the soft sand he sobbed out his heart, his fingers clenching and the sand flying around him in a twisted tornado, the air thrashing as it picked up large segments of the angry grains.

It didn't work, he still didn't get the happiness he wanted, still didn't get the love he needed. His plan failed and now more blood dirtied his hands, tarnished his already tormented soul.

Suddenly, none of it mattered.

Gaara froze as the air seemed to get colder and the sand he was crying into turned into hard stone. He looked up and around and found himself in a tunnel, a dark and imposing passage way that screamed all sorts of ominous things to his distraught spirit.

_"Don't be afraid, it will be alright,"_

The tears stopped and Gaara stood. The tone and rhythm of the song was the same of that of the mother's to the infant's, soft, loving, caring. Except it didn't sound female, the voice was deeper and a tad bit slurred but it didn't deter him. The voice was coming from the end of the tunnel straight ahead, ignoring his baser instincts he followed.

_"Just take my hand, hold it tight,"_

He took a turn and found himself down another dark tunnel but still he continued, all the while pictures flashing through his head. Strong, feminine features, chin length blonde hair and green eyes, his mother. His eyes narrowed, wondering hatefully why this woman was suddenly appearing in his thoughts. She hated him didn't she?

_"No matter where I am__, I'll be with you, just think of me don't you cry."_

The voice, the song, suddenly the pain was starting to dissipate, a somewhat content feeling was coming into his heart, filling the organ with something. Again, another picture of his mother flashed into his mind as he made another turn. Her eyes had a determined look in them as she stared at him, trying to get a point across and her lips were mouthing something… He didn't fail to notice how the stone ground, stone walls and ceiling were getting wider, broader and how they were starting to crust over lightly with sand.

_"No one could understand the way we feel,"_

Now what was that supposed to mean? Gaara wiped the drying tears away with the back of his hands as he continued to trek on, stopping in shock only when the walls completely spread apart and how the ceiling went literally miles above his head. This new room he was in was…huge, like an actual desert and yet he knew somewhere that this was not the desert of the wind country, he was somewhere totally different.

The sand was golden and spread as far as an ocean and was completely calm. No wind came to disrupt the serene environment, in fact an entirely new, peaceful feeling filled him for the first time. He walked out onto the sand, his eyes wide as he looked at the large thing in front of him.

_"How would they know, how could we explain?_

_"Although we're different, deep inside us,_

_"We're not that different at all…"_

The male's voice was coming from this animal and for some odd reason no ounce of fear filtered into him. Trust and companionship came into him for some reason as he looked at the beast before him, perhaps it was because he knew that there were many different types of animals in the desert and seeing as how he was somewhere new…its animals would be bigger.

The creature was unbelievable large, it's back nearly reaching up and touching the endless sky and its width taking up a quarter of the large desert's width. Its tail was huge, thumping softly into the sand and Gaara took his time to notice that the creature's skin was the same shade as the sand, except for the blue markings all over it and the dark blue ears. Its face was at least one hundred times bigger than his own body, its lips sharp and zig-zagged. Its eyes were a brilliant gold on top of midnight black and dark rings circled its eyes, connecting between them and stretching around the edges.

_"Cause you'll be in my heart,_

_"Yes you'll be in my heart,"_

The last phrase was sung with a bit of amusement as if the large raccoon dog was assuring him of the fact. Almost of their own free will Gaara's feet began to walk towards the creature that shifted its massive head on its equally huge paws to give him room.

Surprisingly, Gaara felt no apprehension, even as he stuck himself between the creatures chin and fingers and the animal smiled at him, causing a fluttering feeling to fill his being. This was just like what the mother was doing with her child, singing him the lullaby, was this what it felt like to be comforted? Loved maybe? This feeling in his chest as if his heart was trying to take lift and fly out of him?

_"__From this day on now and forever more,"_

Gaara smiled as he curled up into the soft and not so furry skin of the beast that was comforting him and singing to him. Another flash of his mother went through his head and with this light weight feeling he couldn't find it in himself to be angry at her for it. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to read the words her lips were forming.

Trust him…

_"You'll be here in my heart,_

_"No matter what they say,"_

Trust him? So this creature was a him? Gaara tipped his fact to look into the large gold eyes looking down at him, smiling at him and felt a flash of silly idiocy. Of course the tanuki was male, his voice was unmistakable.

Trust him and trust me…

His eyes narrowed again at that. Trust her? Trusting the creature he could do but why should he trust the woman who named him a demon? Who hated him before he was born? Who destined him to forever be hated? A soft nudge came from the creature and the resentful look dispersed slightly.

_"You'll be here in my heart__ always,"_

Trust him and trust me, kill for me, earn my pride, earn my love…

Shock rippled through him at that, so if he killed…for her…for her revenge…she'd love him? She'd be proud of him? A strange revolution was flooding him, a new reason to kill…not just to be alive, not just to feel alive…but to gain her love…

_"I'll be there for you always,_

_"Always and always,"_

His name is Shukaku…

Gaara looked up at the beast, up at Shukaku and child-like giddiness rushed into him, making him giggle. His Shu…

_"Just turn around, look over your shoulder,"_

Yes, he will make his mother proud, will make her love him. And with Shu's help he'll be sure to accomplish it.

Gaara looked up to the sky and screamed mentally out at her, yes mother! I'll do it! I'll make you proud! I'll make you love me!

_"Just turn around and I'll be there,_

_"Always…"_

WELL, THERE'S THE LITTLE SIDE STORY FOR CHAPTER 13 OF MY TEN TAILED JAGUAR STORY.

I JUST WANTED TO ELABORATE ON WHAT IT WAS GAARA MEANT WHEN HE SAID THAT HE TOOK THE PLACE OF LITTLE CHILDREN AND FELT THAT HAPPINESS UNTIL THEIR PARENTS FIGURED IT OUT AND TRIED TO KILL HIM.

WELL HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND AS USUAL PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW AND CHAPTER 14 SHOULD COME OUT SOMETIME THIS WEEK K?

THE SONG WAS CALLED YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART FROM TARZAN

REVIEW NOW!

JA NE


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